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[01 May 2008|11:35pm] |
STOP LURKING.
you know who you are.
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[24 Apr 2008|11:50pm] |
I've been wronged and hurt a lot in my 20 years & right now I'm letting it all go.
If you've hurt me or my feelings in the past, that's on your conscience now; not mine.
If you've said something scathing to me or bitched about me; that's your problem, not mine.
I'm too old to let all that negative bullshit weigh me down and hold me back.
I'm not a bad person (despite what some people have had me believe). I'm not ugly and I'm not stunning either. I'm chubby and I get the odd spot now and again. So what. I'm over it. If you're rotten enough to call out my weaknesses and 'insecurities' then you're probably the one with issues.
I'm letting it go. It's gone.
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[20 Apr 2008|05:17pm] |
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....okay WHAT?
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[01 Apr 2008|08:32pm] |
I'm so tired man. I've been laying around for the past few days vegetating so whenever I do go out and do something I'm always zonked afterwards.
Went to see Meet the Spartans lastnight, the first 15 minutes was funny then it sorta plateaued and didn't get funnier :/ There was this creepy dude in there with us and it was just me, colleen and said dude sitting there for the longest time. He kept laughing and remarking on the adverts. Thank god other people came in and stopped us from being stabbed/raped/mugged.
Tomorrow I'm meeting my friend in Glasgow and I'm hoping he'll direct me in the direction of some nice vintage shops/secondhand shops. Thursday I'm getting read to by Chris Gutierrez of heychris (you were our only friend) fame. Friday; I have nothing planned and on Saturday I will be turning the dreaded two-oh. I'm so sad.
I never thought I was THAT tall (I'm 5ft 8" and have roughly a 33" inseam) but I've had the HARDEST time finding full length leggings. Today I finally found a really long pair of black satin leggings for £5 (they're even a bit too long for me). So I'm stoked on that :]
I'm not a huge fan of performance music videos (I wasn't even impressed when my favourite bands did it). But I think this video has something else, I don't know what it is. Maybe the smoke is distracting me from the performance, maybe the boyish good looks of M.Good are taking my attention away from the video at hand. I don't know what it is:
I'm off to chill out in my hello kitty slipper bootees and drink tea. so lazy.
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[30 Mar 2008|11:29pm] |
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I was brought up listening to Erasure and Meat Loaf.
At a young age I would be plopped in front of Elton John video tapes where I would sing all the words and get up and shake my fine ass to my favourite songs. In the car we would always play Mike & the Mechanics, Elton John, Meatloaf, Phil Collins and ELO (dad says: my car = my music) I spent a lot of time in the car with dad.
My mum listened to 80's electro. Which meant Erasure, a-ha, adam and the ants and new order were on rotation in the house. I can also remember sitting in front of the TV watching Erasure videos and knowing every word.
My first LP was Michael Jacksons Thriller, I think I was attracted to the god-like glowing picture on the front sleeve. I bought it from a record stand in England somewhere (I think).
My first concert was Erasure (of course) at the age of 7 (one of six times might I add).
My first cassette was Hanson - MMMBop and my first CD was Middle of Nowhere by Hanson. (don't diss, I still love them to this day; my big grown up boys. I met them last year; hell yeah)
As I got older I listened to Nirvana, Silverchair, Radiohead and all the songs on CDs you got free with Q magazine. I got into Silverchair because I was mad in love with this guy. He worshipped the ground Daniel Johns walked on and was an agoraphobic manic depressive.
My first 'serious' boyfriend liked Heavy Metal. I hated Metallica but would tolerate the remainder of his music taste. Later on I got into HIM and they took my rock concert virginity. I wore long sleeves with thumb-holes and I dyed my long (natural) blonde hair black. My mother despaired and asked if I wanted therapy at one point.
I was a total dude and was enthralled by the cky dvds and would throw myself off walls and into shop windows because I thought I was cool. I headbanged to Slipknot and was horrible to anyone I didn't know.
Then I got into the good stuff; Motley Crue, Skid Row, Europe (secretly). Any tacky hair metal band and I was all over them. I backcombed my hair to distraction and dyed my hair red and black (the only colours I wore).
Somewhere along the line I felt like I HAD to like certain types of music. Any band I mentioned that weren't with 'the look' were quickly rebuffed and would end in arguments. As I got older I just gave up and liked what I liked. Which is probably why I like hated bands (a7x, mcr, fftl; stuff 14 year olds listen to. I get crap from all sorts of people for liking that shit). My music taste is probably terribly uncool but it's not like I'm asking people to listen to it. Fuck y'all.
Hell I'll shake my white ass to anything these days. As long as it sounds good who gives a damn who wrote it.
BUT: One thing I wont tolerate is fringes on legs who just squeal and growl into microphones. dude that's not music. If you can't hear what the person is saying, what's the point? Perhaps the actual MUSIC is good, but you're ruining it by doing something that any dude (or chick) off the street can do. It requires no talent. Sorry, you don't get any respect from me for that. You can have 43985943843 friends on myspace but as soon as the next big trend comes along; you're fucked.
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[29 Mar 2008|02:46am] |
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fuck man, I never use this. I've been on lj for about 5 years (WORD, BRAH!)
I made the majority of my old entries private/friends only. I won't be adding friends because from now on all posts will be public. You can add me if you'd like :] just don't be offended when I don't add you back. I will check your LJ though, I promise.
So this'll just be a place for me to run my mouth. (and not post it in shitty bulletins. dude, srsly, I hate when people post like 3 bulletins in a row. ugh)
So let's seeeee.
I'm getting my braces off soon. I've always felt too old for braces (I'll be 20 in one week) but I think when I get them off I'll miss that metally feeling, the headaches, the chapped lips, the ulcers, the appointments, the wire digging into my cheeks. fuck, who am I kidding. I can't wait to get rid of these suckers. It'll be 2 years come august 24th. My ortho dude says they should be off VERY soon. So dude, hook me up with some pliers man, hopefully in the next few months.
I'll be an old woman in a week. I SO don't want to be a non-teenager. I'm too dorky and immature! 5th of April yo. To stave off the sadness Chong is taking me to a tacky neon disco at The Hive. I'm going to break the glitter out and hopefully get some on her too (if you're reading this chong; I'll sit on you until you are at least a LITTLE shimmery, I promise you)
What else is coming up? On the 3rd of April I'm off to hear heychris talk while I sip some nice beverages and give him money in exchange for a book of his choice (I don't know which one to get :| so I'ma have to ask) that should be nice and relaxing. I love people reading to me/talking at me.
At some point I want to get my septum repierced. I've had it done for like 2 years (suck on that, scum) and the position of it bugs the shit out of me. At the time it wasn't a common piercing and the woman doing it was a perfectly capable piercer (for things like ears, eyebrows, bellybuttons and monroes but not for septums). It's too low. I knew from the moment I had it done that it was too low. But I was pretty chill about it. It's not TERRIBLY obvious but when you compare it to other septum piercings; its low. I wear tiny jewellery in it 90% of the time so you don't notice. dude; you're supposed to pierce it through the thinnest part of your septum, even I knew that at the time. And where did this idiot pierce it? well if you feel around on the flap between your nostrils you'll feel a hard ball of cartilage. yeah she pierced it through there. the thickest part. ouch, I know, I was there. So yeah I want to take it out and get it repierced in the CORRECT place. Im guessing the pain will be nothing compared to attempt one (I didn't cry/scream/whimper when I got it done surprisingly). So it should be a breeze. Money is the main issue.
Uhhhm...I'm going to see Anti Flag at some point soon. anyone have a floor for me to sleep on afterwards? haha. seriously I'm not sharing a bed with a dude I barely know. shit.
So yeah. I'm in bed sic sic sic right now. My chest is rattling like a bus engine and my nose is blocked so bad. urghh. I FEEL SHITEEE. It's like 3am or something ridiculous. IM OUT!
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[04 May 2007|11:51am] |
fuck lj-cuts
I was born on the 5th of april 1988 in a hospital that I don't think exists anymore. It snowed that day, even though it had been sunny spring weather the day before (this only adds to my conspiracy theory on how I ended up so weird and backwards).
I was born at like 4 or 5am so it was too early to call anyone. My dad went home not knowing what to do, so he cleaned every god damn window in the house (inside and out)
And every time someone walked past the house he would open the window or front door and tell them he was a father.
At this point can I just say that Jennifer Elizabeth Brown rolls off the tongue better than Heather Elizabeth Brown (or heaven forbid; Keiran Elizabeth Brown)
So I grew up in a pretty normal, stable household. Just me, my mum and my dad in a 2 bedroom house in the countryside. Working class family, blah blah blah.
I remember one christmas I got this doll from my neighbours. It crawled and then would topple on its side and cry 'just like a real baby'. Of course it had to be taken away from me because everytime it fell over I would go into a blind panic and start crying and screaming "NO BABY! ITS OKAY BABY! ITS OKAY!" I was a sensitive little soul
I went to a crappy mother and toddlers group when I was a toddler. I hated it. I was shy and didn't like speaking to new kids. I think I made one friend. Her name was danielle and she was a whiney, specky brat; I remember play dates with her and her disgusting little brother (who shat in my back garden can I just say)
The fact that my mum was desperate for me to make friends just made me NOT want to make friends. She would push me out the door and tell me to knock on my friend chris's door and ask him to come out and play. He was a nice boy (and grew up to be a gorgeous dude may I add) but I hated that feeling waiting on him to answer the door. Extreme anxiety much? Rejection was and is still my worst fear.
I hated primary school. The girls in my class were cruel ugly bitches who would isolate and bully me at any chance they got. This did not help at all. So I ended up hanging out with boys, I felt awkward around them at first but being a total tomboy helped.
So I couldn't understand everyones disbelief when I went to high school. Noone could believe I was close friends with a boy. They started saying horrible shit and insinuating that we were dating and stuff. please.
I only made one good friend in my year at high school. I asked if I could sit next to her in science and she flashed me a huge smile and said "yeah, of course" cut to like 6 years later and were still close friends (haii mairead!)
The nu-metal age came upon us and I got swept up in the crappy half-assed rapping that had stolen the hearts all of the boys in my year.
The obligatory shouts of "MOSHERRR!" in the hall followed haha. I felt untouchable with my huge baggy trousers and tight black tshirts.
Suddenly though, boys didn't want to be my friend any more. They stared a good few inches below my face when talking to me and didn't talk about guy stuff around me. It sucked to be honest. I still to this day hate my boobs for being so big. At the time I must have looked odd because I was quite slim with these MASSIVE jugs. Booo.
My first metal concert was HIM at the Barrowlands in Glasgow. They were my favourite band at the time. I felt amazing and even though I don't follow their new stuff, nothing will ever come close to that feeling. I screamed and grinned the whole night and I couldn't speak for a whole week afterwards. No lie. I'm a hardened gig goer now so nothing much phases me but back then I felt indescribable.
High School was shitty. If the whole school blew up with everyone (minus like 4 people) in it; I honestly wouldn't care. I didn't like the people I hung around with. I had never really believed old people when they said never step outside your class. But it's true. I hung around with middle class assholes who thought they were wild because they listened to the offspring and green day. pass the bucket. I remember sitting with Colleen (bff) and making a 'bonfire list' hahaa, that list was so long. I was so glad to leave. I wore a £20 dress to prom, got wasted and when the most popular girl in the school walked in wearing a pink ballgown I laughed and asked who invited barbie.
I've kept in touch with the people that I wanted to, so if you see me in the street, don't pretend to be delighted to see me. You're as transparent as britney spears underwear.
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[20 Dec 2006|09:38am] |
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new screenname: stfudemo666
who the fuck stole my name btw
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[12 Jul 2006|07:47pm] |
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mood |
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ill. |
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.
& I've just had four teeth taken out. Joyous is my life.
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